Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
