I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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