I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
