Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
