so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
