At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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