her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
