is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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