I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize