Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize