whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
