You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
