Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
