Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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