I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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