Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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