Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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