My nipple is on Facebook.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
