...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
