Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
3pm strippers are depressing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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