In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
