Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
be right there i have to get my cape
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
