A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
