everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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