Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think i have two assholes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize