just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
