I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize