I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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