i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He passed out mid-signature
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
