there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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