she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
