I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
