if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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