i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
