just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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