you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
