Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
