Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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