no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
