Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
