i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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