The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
