i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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