i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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