I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
