I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So vagazzling was a success
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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