The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
