My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
