did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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