How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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