I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
