I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
