WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
