I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize