I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
