I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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