Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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