Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
