hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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