I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
