im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bring me that man meat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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