I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize