i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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