Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
