we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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