I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
