Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
