Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize