i just wanna soil my oats bro
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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