Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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